This is an oldie, but a goodie that I wrote a little over two years ago...
I'm beginning to think that we just go through life trying to understand it, trying to dissect it and make sense of what has happened to us and how we have been shaped by our experiences. I believe that this life of ours is something we cannot control but want to believe that we can, we want to think that we make our own choices and that we have a say in the way our life turns out, and while we may have some control, there is always something unpredictable about every action we take. Every decision we make has a myriad of potential outcomes and sometimes all we can do is wait for that outcome and react accordingly.
We try to understand our lives, the way they turned out, what we chose to do, how we acted, how certain situations played out. Sometimes the best we can do is look back and simply try to reason the past, or understand it and give it a definition. Or there are those times we try to come up with the way we would have wished things to happen. We fantasize about how our personal, little novel of our lives could have, should have played out. Many times we cannot let go of the past and wonder why the rest of our life has moved on when we clearly could not.
And love, let's not even get started on love because of all the feelings in life, of all the things we wish to change, wish to relive, wish to forget, well, they almost always have to do with love. It's the most complicated feeling a human being can experience. it's the feeling that is the most powerful. It can cause unbelievable pain and agony, and this same feeling can also cause the most happiness, the most blissfulness. it can be full of youthful innocence, as well as wear a mask of corruption that taints all that it touches.
life and all of its vicissitudes can be unpleasant. Life, as we know it, can turn into hell, there may be so much we cannot change and so much we cannot control, but i like to think that it is a bit of a give and take. That although we cannot control everything about our actions and their reactions, we may still have the opportunity to guide our lives. And that guidance, as minimal as it may seem, can be a powerful thing, because, if you think about it, total control of your life is a potential for disaster. As my father always says, "you have to find a median in everything." Have a little bit of "control" but also allow life to throw shit at you, and deal with it to the best of your abilities.