Tuesday, June 12, 2012

On Losing My Creativity: My life as an Indie Movie

DT Chicago Parking Towers
May 2010
personal collection


I've felt numb for quite some time now, sort of like a character in those indie flicks where they move sluggishly about doing mundane things and they look so let down by life. Have you ever seen the movie Sidewalls? It's an Argentinian movie set in Buenos Aires. It moves at an extremely slow pace, and shows the city in all its eccentric, overpopulated glory. My thoughts aspire to be the picturesque montages and monotone, yet poetic narration of a city growing so fast - in the pinnacle of the digital age - and yet the two characters that seem to be moving at the pace of an all-too-common snail. The one I most relate with happens to be the woman. She is an Architect that can't find a job practicing and instead is working as a Display Artist for a clothing store.  The other character is a man, and the two happen to be perfect for each other, but they haven't yet met. Other examples of my indie stupor are: Everything Must Go with Will Farrell, Tiny Furniture with Lena Dunham, and that's all I can muster to think of at this moment....


In my movie the Indie Stupor scenes would be: 1) me siting in front of my computer/laptop/ipad flipping through random web pages of things I would like to do, but am not in any way doing (i.e. interior design, fashion/styling, traveling, web design, art, painting, photography) 2) me lying on my couch like a complete vegetable flipping through Netflix 3) me, on the floor, in front of the television attempting to do yoga 4) me, in front of my closet, staring at my clothes - and I am naked, and finally 5) me, looking through the blinds of my bedroom window, wondering if the mailman has arrived/watching the mailman drop off an expected package. Throughout the movie you will see that I, too, have studied Architecture, and I may occasionally look back at my various projects from school.  It would play out as that moment in an indie film where you start to understand the root of that pain you've been seeing all along on the main character's face. You are waiting for the source to be revealed: "Why is she so sad/dazed/beaten?" you will ask yourself, "What in the world happened to her that made her hide from life?"